Response to Kevin

Unfriendly Noise is a story about a guy named Brandon who is down on his luck and jobless in a city he hates. His apartment is surrounded by a terrible noise that reverberates in his head. Other city-dwellers likewise are shrill and annoying. Brandon is on the hunt for a job after his landlord threatens to evict him.
I feel like the story could have been more aptly opened with a description of Brandon's apartment or something. the immediate jump into his complaining about the over-hyped city life is something I've heard and read and written before. It didn't grab my attention, and I think this is because the first thing you hear in the story is an incredibly annoying noise, and that sets the tone for the rest of the story. He goes on to interact with shrill, screetchy people in the city, and it gets frustrating.
I liked the description of the bad area of town he ends up in, but I could use some more particulars.
The same goes for John's description. He could be a much more interesting character if you used more imagery to describe him and maybe described his dimensions instead of just calling him a giant.

There were an inordinant amount of filler words. Words like "actually" and "kind of" and "really" used as describers don't contribute anything besides a sense of hesitancy and lead to a voice that doesn't seem confident. I found eight instances of this on page 8, for example. Either better words need to be used, or these can be ommited.

I liked the arc of the story, and I like how Brandon found solace in the end, but its hard to tell what it means. I wish he had managed to stay with John. Maybe John could find solace in Brandon instead of the Tomagachi, and thats how the noise problem can be solved, by John not needing it anymore.

There were also a few things that didn't make much sense. John's Tomagachi is making noise outside Brandon's apartment at the beginning of the story, and then it's miles away just minutes later. Brandon goes to get a job to pay rent he has due that very day (not gonna work). The landlady serves his eviction notice, but still gives him a chance to pay rent (that chance is long gone).

I enjoyed reading this once he got into the bad part of town. Maybe condense the first couple pages and start with a taxi getting a flat tire in this area of town? Your voice gets better at this point in the story.