Twitch is a story about Joel and Kris, two best friends whose relationship is strained when an old flame, Katie, is introduced. Kris then admits that she has only been friends with Joel to get closer to Katie.
Again, this story lacks a real plot. There is nothing going on here besides an awkward love triangle. Also, the main character is racist, manipulative, heartless (who wants to leave a dog outside in a thunderstorm), and has no obvious redeeming qualities. Also, she kept making digs at Joel, which made me wonder why she liked him, but the reasons for that all became apparent at the end. I still didn't understand why he kept her around, though.
I feel like this story could have worked if there hadn't been some big reveal at the end, but maybe a slow realization on Kris' part that she wanted Katie, or maybe if we knew her intentions all along. This could have been revealed at the bonfire, maybe Kris kind of falls for Katie here and her feelings towards Joel are changed. As it stands, the story is confusing, because it seems like all the characters are directionless, doing what they are doing for non-existent or confusing reasons.
I reallllly didn't understand all the weird "white person" stereotypes and the drawing of racial lines. They were unnecessary and didn't lend anything to the story, and also didn't make much sense. "She was black after all and knew what to do in this scary movie like situation." The inclusion of this information doesn't mean or do anything. It's really "white" to bring your dog inside during a lightning storm? If you insists on keeping this racial aspect of the story, it wouyld help to make it more relevant, because as it is right now, I was just taken aback by Kris' weird categorizations of black and white and there was no message at the end of the story that warranted these kinds of details. Apologies for the brutal critique.
Don't forget to point out the things that worked -- so the writer knows where to focus the energy in the revision.
ReplyDelete