Snake Eyes is about a girl named Emily, at the beginnning she's a pudgy nine year old, at the end a 27 year old young professional. Emily typically has uncommonly good luck, but bad luck when it comes to snakes. This is the common thread, bad luck with snakes.
There was a lot I liked about this story. Ocassionally a descriptor or sentence would make me chuckle, and many of the descriptions of scenery are done pretty well. Danielle with her belly draped over the center console, digging through the glove box, "armed" with a nailfile against boredom. These were the kinds of things I liked, however I wish there had been a bit more. The dialogue was good, but I feel like their relatiuonship should have been explained or shown a little earlier.
Sometimes, sentence structure repeated too much in sequence. The first four sentences of the story start with "I" and three of them start with "I was."
My main suggestion for this story has to do with perpective. The descriptions are often very good, and the scenery is laid out well, and although the story is from Emily's perspective, we never really get her thought about what is happening. There are no glimpses into her mind, but rather explications of what she was feeling. It's hard to explain, but there was a distance between the reader and Emily's perspective. Give us more observation from her perspective, use her wit, let her silently comment on things through observation.
The last setting was kind of confusing about when it was occuring, where, etc. The change was abrupt and jarring, especially with no page break and the introduction of new characters. expand this part a bit.
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