Response to "Escort" and "Emergency" and "No Tears for Me, Thanks"

I really like the two stories, especially "Emergency". Emergency had great setting and good imagery, and "Escort" had interesting discriptions and a strange plot. Both of these stories are told from the perspective of people who are kind of directionless. They are also very flat emotionally. Not to say that they are boring characters or anything, its just thatv they don't project their emotions onto the situations and onto the page, that is something that the writers have left for the readers to do themselves. I find this simultaneously refreshing and a little frustrating. Its refreshing because not having emotion and morals and a lesson shoved down your throat is kind of nice, it allows the reader to surmise for themselves what the story means. But it is also frustrating because you want to see the human in the characters and its more difficult to find when you're not explicitly told how they're feeling. In Chuck's story its a little more obvious because of his actions that he is sensitive to the plights of these people he is helping but in "Emergency" the only way to decipher the speakers mentality is by interpreting why he is including certain details, and what the inclusion of those details mean.
I personally like this technique of having a character who is pretty flat emotionally, becuase it leaves room for interpretation and for a story without the burden of a speakers emotion.

Response to Malena

Snake Eyes is about a girl named Emily, at the beginnning she's a pudgy nine year old, at the end a 27 year old young professional. Emily typically has uncommonly good luck, but bad luck when it comes to snakes. This is the common thread, bad luck with snakes.
There was a lot I liked about this story. Ocassionally a descriptor or sentence would make me chuckle, and many of the descriptions of scenery are done pretty well. Danielle with her belly draped over the center console, digging through the glove box, "armed" with a nailfile against boredom. These were the kinds of things I liked, however I wish there had been a bit more. The dialogue was good, but I feel like their relatiuonship should have been explained or shown a little earlier.
Sometimes, sentence structure repeated too much in sequence. The first four sentences of the story start with "I" and three of them start with "I was."

My main suggestion for this story has to do with perpective. The descriptions are often very good, and the scenery is laid out well, and although the story is from Emily's perspective, we never really get her thought about what is happening. There are no glimpses into her mind, but rather explications of what she was feeling. It's hard to explain, but there was a distance between the reader and Emily's perspective. Give us more observation from her perspective, use her wit, let her silently comment on things through observation.

The last setting was kind of confusing about when it was occuring, where, etc. The change was abrupt and jarring, especially with no page break and the introduction of new characters. expand this part a bit.

Response to Crystal

Twitch is a story about Joel and Kris, two best friends whose relationship is strained when an old flame, Katie, is introduced. Kris then admits that she has only been friends with Joel to get closer to Katie.
Again, this story lacks a real plot. There is nothing going on here besides an awkward love triangle. Also, the main character is racist, manipulative, heartless (who wants to leave a dog outside in a thunderstorm), and has no obvious redeeming qualities. Also, she kept making digs at Joel, which made me wonder why she liked him, but the reasons for that all became apparent at the end. I still didn't understand why he kept her around, though.
I feel like this story could have worked if there hadn't been some big reveal at the end, but maybe a slow realization on Kris' part that she wanted Katie, or maybe if we knew her intentions all along. This could have been revealed at the bonfire, maybe Kris kind of falls for Katie here and her feelings towards Joel are changed. As it stands, the story is confusing, because it seems like all the characters are directionless, doing what they are doing for non-existent or confusing reasons.
I reallllly didn't understand all the weird "white person" stereotypes and the drawing of racial lines. They were unnecessary and didn't lend anything to the story, and also didn't make much sense. "She was black after all and knew what to do in this scary movie like situation." The inclusion of this information doesn't mean or do anything.  It's really "white" to bring your dog inside during a lightning storm? If you insists on keeping this racial aspect of the story, it wouyld help to make it more relevant, because as it is right now, I was just taken aback by Kris' weird categorizations of black and white and there was no message at the end of the story that warranted these kinds of details. Apologies for the brutal critique.

Response to Preston

"Awkward" was a story about a kid named Mitch who has fallen for his best friend Loki's (Jamie) twin sister, Annalise. He prepares all day, anxious to tell Loki about this transgression, and is finally confronted by Loki himself.
This story does a good job revealing the protagonist's anxienty thoughout the tale. It also lives up to it's title in that it also makes us feel awkward for Mitch when he is put in this awkward situation. Also, the title Awkward possibly hints at a subversive theme of homoerotic tension throughout the story. There are some very awkward scenes between Mitch and Loki, especially in the locker room.
Unfortunately, it also lives up to it's title in other ways.  Characterizations is all over the place. For instance, Jamie "Loki" Turlance. He dresses like "Poison" and he is cruel and nice and understanding and misguiding. I understand the intent is to personify the Norse god, but he just comes off as a chotch. I did like how he was able to misdirect conversation with meaningless banter, that was nice, but the banter needs to be better and more intelligent. Not just: "Your gay, bro?" "I'm not gay, bro. You're gay."
And then Mitch is just a pervert. Who steals a girls bra as a keepsake? If Annalise knew that, she'd probably never touch the kid, and with the unpredicatability of Loki, she'll probably find out at some point.
And then the gym teacher is a pervert. I guess her fetish is highschool boys being intimate? Weird.
All of this perverse and homo-erotic stuff could work, it just has to have some sort of precident. It has to mean something. As it is, it just makes the writing hard to follow and awkward to read.
Also, I absolutely did not get the ending. Why would he put habenero sauce in his undies if he had just been a good friend and granted his blessing for Mitch to date his sister?
There needs to be more plot. If you want all this weird stuff to work, maybe have Loki confess to Mitch that he likes him at the end, and have the creepy gym teacher be watching them kiss or something. I don't know. I feel awkward.

Response to The Langston Hughes Project the Twelve Moods of Jazz

This was by far the best poetry reading event I have ever been to. Admittedly, I haven't been to many, but The fact that I love jazz, Langston Hughes, and the Cosbys confirmed my attendance. It was pretty awesome. The band came out and played a little bit of jazz, something recognizeable, and then Doctor Ronald McCurdy, who gave most of the lecturing and some of the reading, began playing trumpet in the back of the audience and slowly made his way on stage. It really felt very interactive, the Doctor asked everyone at the beginning to act as if we were at a Southern Baptist service, and for the most part, people did. The music was custom fit to Hughe's poetry. In the Q&A the Doctor said took cues written in the margins of Hughe's work, sometimes referring to particular songs that Hughes' had in mind during the writing of his poetry, sometimes with just a reference to a musical mood or a particular sound (a fast paced, high-hat driven tune). I loved it, particularly Malcomb Jamal Warner's rendition of Hughes poetry in conjunction with the music of the Ron McCurdey Quintet. I feel like they probably captured what Hughes was probably going for, the sultry sound of Jazz in conjunction with his rhythmic prose. There was a (I believe Russian) woman who filled in for their normal pianist, and she was absolutely amazing. I've never seen anyone switch in between keys and rhythms so naturally.
My favorite aspect of this event was the comedy. I found myself laughing a lot throughout the performance, and it was almost always because of the delivery of a Hughes line by Malcolm Jamal Warner. "Ask your mama" became a punchline to any joke or situation that could be construed as racist or belittling or ignorant.
I actually liked it so much I almost considered going out to Tuskegee to see them the next day. A lot of fun, and very interesting. It was not at all what I expected. Jazz and Poetry have been done before, and so many times, but this stood out and was unique. Good stuff.

Response to Josh Moore

Manhood is a story about a guy named Alex who, as we are introduced to him, is about to undergo surgery. We are not informed until later that it was to remove cancerous tumors. Alex has some weird issue with the nurses all being female. Alex's girlfriend ends up turning cold to him and leaving because of his struggle with cancer. He beats the cancer, but loses his potential wife.
I liked parts of this story. I especially liked the descriptions of the hospital, the atmosphere he feels where everyone is glancing at him as he goes by, and the alternating green tiles that make the hall seem longer than it should. I wish there was more of this, it grants us a good view of Alex's mentality as he is being carted to surgery, and it would serve well to show us how he is feeling at other times during the story.
I was convinced by the title for a while that his cancer was testicular and he was going to have his testes removed. That would also more thoroughly explain his girlfriends bitchiness. Just a thought.
I think the transitions with both of the stories for today were done very well. The changes in scene weren't too abrupt, and were well timed I thought.
One thing I do wish was that the drama between Alex and his girlfriend had been explored a little more. All you see is them happy and then them in a bad place, without a real explanation. Perhaps a little more. One way I feel you could help with that issue is to make this story a first person one from Alex's perspective. He could then explain how things have been with his wife without having to backtrack and show what has happened.
Another thing I liked about both of these stories today was their interesting endings. He beats cancer but loses the girl. She decides to go to rehab, but her room mate tried to kill her. Good stuff

Response to Rachel Davis

Icarus was story about a college student named Clara. Overworked and stressed, she has turned to alcohol. We find her in the ICU, hip shattered, kidney removed. She has "fallen" off of her balcony after a night of heavy drinking. Her family attempts to have a little intervention in the hospital.
I found this story pleasant to read. The way we are introduced to Clara's situation is done very well, kind of the fuzzy wake up scene that we are all used to seeing in movies. I like how Clara doesn't really know what is going on. The way in which the story has little chapters has been executed so well. There aren't breaks to indicate a change of scene, but the change of voice and the immediate descriptions of an alternate set do this for us. It works very well in this story. Where this could be one long story separated by the incident, it brings the incident of her fall to the focal point and really keeps the reader interested. I wanted to know what would happen when I got to the next apartment scene and when I got to the fall itself.
I liked a lot of the characterization of Clara, the too-short denim shorts and her cellulite, her choice to drink wine, her prescription for prozac and her known capacity to stretch herself too thin.
My only complaint about this story would have to be the dialogue. Some of it is good, especially the stuff at the beginning, but the apartment scenes are a little trite, and the intervention is a little hard to read.
Also, I wish the room mate had been a little more disgruntled, maybe Clara could treat her even shittier or something.
Overall a good story. I would work on developing characters a little more, and touch up some dialogue. Again, the execution of hopping between story and back story was very well done.